The Jaws of Death

Customer Reviews:

Jaws of Death.......2006-08-25

The copy I received in DVD form was perfect. Many thanks for the memories - I wrote the screenplay under a nom de plume because the director couldn't read . . . I also wrote the concepts for Lucky Lady with Burt Reynolds and the TV series In Search Of . . . plus wrote and directed Bloodstalkers and "starred" in The Search for Bigfoot while appearing too in the Smithsonian Series "Monsters Myth or Mystery"

The Shark Whisperer.......2004-12-31

William Grefe: the name is synonymous with "horribly made movies." This little gem from 1976 cashes in on the "Jaws" craze with perhaps the most ridiculous concept in fish movies ever: a psychic hero who communes with the sharks telepathically (somehow via a necklace obtained on Mindanao during a "shark god" ceremony, in a subplot that involved much running through a jungle) and defends his toothy friends. Well, really not so toothy, actually. The movie uses Nurse Sharks (Ginglymostoma cirratum); large, sluggish sharks, which although they do have teeth, are generally harmless unless provoked. You can spot the Nurse Sharks by looking for the wide head with pronounced barbels (thin, whisker-looking organs in front of the nostrils that are used for sensing touch and taste). End of ichthyology lesson.

Back to the film: this poorly made rip-off contains some of the worst acting and screenwriting in memory, another signature of a Grefe production. The hero (Richard Jaeckel) grimaces through the movie like Mod-Hair Ken in need of Imodium AD. He takes his fish extremely seriously, and becomes a one man shark-feeding machine, placing anyone who crosses his path into the gums of his nurse shark friends. The leading lady is Jennifer Bishop, who may be the worst actress I have ever seen, and wears more eye makeup than Tura Satana. Her aquatic dance scenes are so exciting I believe I may have dozed off during the bulk of them, except during her brief tango with Sam the shark. Her husband, only slightly more overweight than Mr. Creosote, and unfortunately spending much of the film in shorts, is the evil villain, and is very scary (if you happen to be scared of a 500 pound Weeble.)

There is also a subplot about a hurricane. I was left completely stumped by how that in any way furthered the film. There is also a demonstration of why you shouldn't go shark fishing in a tam o'shanter.

I have seen "Piranha," and had previously considered it to be the worst fish movie I had ever seen, trailed very closely by "Jaws 3-D," but no more: this is it, the champion all-time worst fish movie I have ever seen, or ever hope to see. It is pure and classic Grefe.

I Shouldn't Be Alive: Lost in the Snow, Jaws of Death

Average customer rating:

I Shouldn't Be Alive: Lost in the Snow, Jaws of Death

Manufacturer: Discovery Channel
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

General | Special Interests | Genres | DVD | Video

DVDs Under $7.49 | Today's Deals in DVD | Special Features | DVD | Video
ASIN: B000MFPVOS

Product Description

Discover the limits of human endurance as survivors of deadly blizzards, shipwrecks and more relive their near-death experiences and the critical decisions that brought them back from the brink. Then, meet real-life survival experts who demonstrate what it takes for ordinary people to overcome extraordinary odds. Witness decisions that truly mean life or death. Two complete episodes: Lost in the Snow Driving through the Sierra Nevadas en route to a family funeral, Jim Stolpa, his wife and five-month-old baby encounter a raging blizzard that leaves their truck stranded in a snowdrift. Survival expert Les Stroud explains the best way to make it through a deadly winter night including turning a car seat into a pair of boots. Jaws of Death Conservation turns into desperation when naturalist Greg Rasmussen crashes his microlight while tracking rhinos in a Zimbabwean national park. One of Africa's most respected trackers and guides, Phil West demonstrates his secrets of survival on the savannah.

Average customer rating:

GWAR IS WAY WAY BETTER THAN THIS GAY EMO CRAP
Music good, production values low
wonderdfully wonderfull
Nominated for a Grammy...
GWAR-PHALLUS IN WONDERLAND

Phallus in Wonderland
Starring: Oderus Urungus , Beefcake The Mighty , Balsac The Jaws Of Death , Flattus Maximus , and Jizmak the Gusha
Director: Distortion Wells , and Judas Bullhorn
Manufacturer: Mvd Visual
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

General | Rock | Styles | Music

General | Hard Rock & Metal | Styles | Music

Thrash & Speed Metal | Hard Rock & Metal | Styles | Music

General | Music Video & Concerts | Genres | DVD | Video

( P ) | Titles | Features | DVD | Video
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ASIN: B00000JZJQ
Release Date: 1999-08-31

Description

This DVD features the Phallus in Wonderland music and stor yline including Crack in the Egg, Gor-Gor, Have You Seen Me, & more plus a cameo by Gibby from the Butthole S urfers. Special DVD features include option to play songs o nly, instant scene access, and images of cast.

Customer Reviews:

GWAR IS WAY WAY BETTER THAN THIS GAY EMO CRAP.......2005-01-05

I am so glad there is a band like this they really rock and i really hate emo so this movie is awesome

anyone who doesnt like gwar can [...] it becuz they are emo [...] and have no taste in musik all they do is [...] throw them in the slave pit

Music good, production values low.......2004-12-10

I first heard about GWAR a decade or so ago from a friend of mine who considered them an amazing phenomenon. Since I'm quite selective about the heavier types of music that I listen to, I didn't follow up on his advice to check them out. Over the years, I would occasionally hear some arcane reference to this group, but still never got around to giving them a listen. A recent rental excursion--not one of my world famous expeditions but darn close--saw me stumbling over a disc for "Phallus in Wonderland." Sounds interesting, I thought, and then I saw the GWAR tag and decided to finally see what this band looked and sounded like. Uh, wow...I think. There really aren't many words to describe a band that arrives on stage dressed up as gruesome looking monsters in enormous foam rubber suits. The band members have names like Balsac The Jaws of Death, Beefcake The Mighty, Flattus Maximus, Gusher Jizmax, Oderus Urungus, and Slymenstra Hymen. Just so you know, that last band member is the sole woman in the group. At least GWAR is an equal opportunity employer. "Phallus in Wonderland," directed by Judas Bullhorn (!) and Distortion Wells (!!), also introduces us to band manager Sleazy P. Martini. If all of this nonsense isn't enough to grab your attention, wait until you watch the disc.

"Phallus in Wonderland" breaks down into two parts. The first, and probably the most important part, is the music. Lots of GWAR songs here to sink your teeth into, including "Crack in the Egg," "Have You Seen Me," "The Road Behind," "Gor-Gor," "Ham on the Bone," and "The Morality Squad." Most of these tunes aren't bad at all, and they also aren't as heavy as you would think. One song, "The Road Behind," mocks Guns 'n Roses by having one of the band members decked out in attire (including a bandana) highly evocative of lead singer Axl Rose. Another music video spotlights kids rebelling against the hegemony of their parents in particularly brutal fashion. One video shows the scurrilous effects of consumerism in the form of a nauseating cereal commercial. As you can guess, the thematic tone of the songs is typical for this type of band: they blast religion, heap scorn on rampant consumerism (even as the band members profit from it), excoriate moral crusades, mock war, and criticize the legal system. In other words, the lyrics contain nothing you haven't heard before from countless other bands that think they corner the market on satire and social criticism. What's different with "Phallus in Wonderland" is the presentation--you've never seen criticism delivered this way before.

The second part of the DVD tells a story about GWAR arriving in America to stomp out moral crusaders. According to the tale, the United States government seized the Cuttlefish--actually a body part of one of the male band members--in order to launch an obscenity investigation. The prosecutor for the case is one Edna Granbo, an elderly, shrill lady whose penchant for fighting the culture wars knows no bounds. With the help of several authoritarian figures, including a superhero like figure referred to as Corporal Punishment, Granbo plans on destroying the destructive influence of bands like GWAR for all time with the help of her vaunted Morality Squad. This organization also receives assistance from Father Bohab, a religious crusader on a mission to quash rock music. Predictably, the members of GWAR express extreme anger at the behavior of the government/moral crusade alliance. They fly into the country from their base in Antarctica (!) to retrieve the Cuttlefish, and in the process battle the forces of Granbo and Bohab. During the course of the video, we see the courtroom trial of the Cuttlefish, watch GWAR engage in pitched combat with The Morality Squad, and witness the dinosaur Gor-Gor lay waste to a large metropolis.

I'll give GWAR credit; they made a DVD that isn't easy to forget. Although the production values are often laughable due to their crudeness, the imagery is so disgusting that it leaves an impression anyway. All sorts of nasty behaviors are on full display, none of which I can describe in detail on a public forum. In particular, the revelations about Father Bohab's true character almost made me turn this thing off. I initially thought that since all of the characters are puppets or people dressed in what are essentially puppet outfits, it wouldn't be disturbing. Wrong. Jim Henson must be rolling over in his grave regarding the antics depicted in this video. Think a low rent version of Peter Jackson's "Meet the Feebles" and you'll have some idea of what you'll see in "Phallus in Wonderland." If GWAR's stage shows are anything remotely similar to what I saw on this DVD, heaven help us. You would be lucky to get out of the concert hall with your life!

A question I asked after watching "Phallus in Wonderland" is whether I would go out and buy one of GWAR's albums. Well, I haven't, but probably not because of the low production values of this video. In fact, as far as the music went I generally liked what I heard. At least their songs don't consist of inarticulate screeching and roaring set against an impenetrable wall of sludge--I easily understood most of the lyrics here. My problem is that I'm simply getting too old for this stuff. I may check out a few other GWAR DVDs if I run across them in the future, but in the interim I'll stick to listening to decidedly mellower music.

wonderdfully wonderfull.......2003-06-07

one of the funniest bloodiest movies ive seen. the [aweful] special effects made it o so great. the story was just so stupid that i couldnt stop laughing. ive watched it over n over again an its still just so funny yes. for the true gwar fan

Nominated for a Grammy..........2002-05-02

I have owned this beauty for a while and recently read it was nominated for a Grammy as best LP music video in 1990. Although the video is short and the extras few, the DVD is a great buy. Grambo captured the "Cuttlefish of Cthulu" and GWAR wants it back. They fight the clergy, the goverment, and health care communities to get the Cuttlefish back. Watch as Sleazy P and GWAR unleash their horror on capitalistic society. Hopefully we can except more DVD releases from these masters of live performances. I have only seen them once a few years back (due to the long drive I must make) but hopefully Dave Brookie and the boys (and girl) will come to kill us soon.

GWAR-PHALLUS IN WONDERLAND.......2002-04-15

This makes a refreshing change from the norm. in music dvds. More a piece of performance art than a rock show. Not for the squeemish, or overley self-righteous types (or most of your family for that matter). Take it for what it is, (vile, disgusting, and tasteless) and it is a truly inspiring, creative show. They write all of their own stuff, unlike most mindless, mushy, money-making garbage in the charts these days. These creatures take risks and truly suffer for their art...now it's your turn... You have been warned!

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